Naive Me

Life is full of amazing and beautiful things. It saddens me that there are things out there that can cause people to not see any of it. How much pain these people must go through each day to feel the need to end their life is just unimaginable. I may complain a lot about the little things that happen in my life but there is so much more I live for. I just feel the need to vent a little in order for me to get back to the things I look forward to. I may not fit the mold but I live my life the way I want to. I enjoy being here each and every day and feel so blessed for everything I have. It is unfortunate for people who do not see the many blessings in their lives and choose the alternate. I don't expect anyone to live their life the way I do, nor do I expect them to have the same views that I do. The one thing that I want for people is that they see the value of themselves and not sell themself short.

Flaws of Life

I hate the feeling of never being good enough, or judged. It is even worse when people close to you point out flaws in other people that you know is a flaw of your own. I see no wrong in the things I do and I try to be as good of a person as I can, but it still is never enough to some people. Maybe it is just our different lifestyles that they can never understand. I have no judgement of anyone who lives their life the way they want to as long as it causes no harm or inconveniency for other people. I try to live my life that way as much as I can. Others, however, tend to feel the need to invovle me in their crazy lifestyle and never seem to get that I cannot always accomodate to their every needs. Everyone is different and things should be done at their leisure. Example: Just because you seem to like being the center of attention and always admit yourself into loud places, that does not mean your friend likes being in that situation. Some people can be uncomfortable to speak aloud, or find it hard to meet new people. That may not be the case for me, but I do like to have my space and I just wish people would respect that. I have never made anyone feel less about themself because they cancelled plans, or do not want to do something that I want to do. But that never seems to be the case when it is my turn to cancel or whatnot. Sometimes I just do not get people. Maybe that is why people do not get me. Maybe that is a flaw that I need to work on and begin to see the harsh reality of life that others seem to live by. Maybe my personality is what makes people take advantage of whatever they can about me. Putting my foot down and saying "no" every once in a while seems to always piss people off. There really is no satisfying people. I guess that is what I need to understand. As if my life were not hectic enough I have to load other people's responsibilities on my shoulders as well. I have been on the verge of just completely giving up, but I know I am being prepared for something even greater. I just hope it comes soon. This life has done a lot to me and there are things that have happened that I cannot explain or even come close to comprehending. And I have made it through many struggles...what's a little more right? I guess only time will tell.

Got what I asked for

It's been a whole month since my last post. My spacekey isn't working so I have to hit it hard to make a space. School's been going okay I guess. This semester's workload is the most I've had in all three years of college. I actually have to read the text. Usually it's all based on lecture notes but oh no. Professors feel the need to punish their students by having them read nonsense that they already teach in class.

Expenses

I wonder why this keeps happening over and over. You try to be nice to people and help them out, but in the end you're taken advantaged of. Why do people feel the need to live at the expense of others? I really find no harm in being nice, but I guess that's what most people would call stupid. But I do think that you can't help those who don't want to help themselves. I wish people would try not to take the easy way out and realize you have to work for the things you want. That's what makes things worth it, the fact that you worked for it.

Troubled Tuesday

I look back on life and just wonder to myself exactly what it is I'm here for. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and everyone's existence serves a purpose. Aside from the long days of sleep and nights of solitude, I often just imagine the life I could lead. Of course that stuff is impossible seeing that I don't possess the actual talent to do so. I can only work with what life has given me and often I feel that isn't enough for me. I mean, I'm not completely unfortunate in certain areas and do possess certain qualities others admire. But sometimes I feel it's not enough. This world is crazy and I am only beginning to understand it. Growing up has had its ups and down and I've gone through things most people wouldn't even imagine. However, I somehow managed to stay content and pleased with the outcome. I still ponder on what more life has to offer and only hope bigger and better things will be sent my way. I've developed a few hobbies and things to keep me more occupied throughout the day. This room I share with my younger brother has become somewhat bareable to what it used to be. But still, I can only wait til the day I finally have enough to set out on my own and experience what life is really like. Unemployed and living with your parents isn't exactly the fun life I imagined I'd be at when I'm 20. This year has been quite a dud though I can say I've done a lot more this summer than I have in my previous years. I can only hope by next year I can get things straightened out and live my life as I planned. I'm not hoping to be rich and successful in a year, but atleast have a stable job that pays rent and living expenses as well as a car. But hey, a new semester starts next week and I'm hoping I can start over new.